


A Logical Name

by Hila_Shahar



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Amanda is a good mentor, Jewish Themes, Queer Themes, Vulcan Culture, chosen names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 11:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20545214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hila_Shahar/pseuds/Hila_Shahar
Summary: Amanda mentors a young Vulcan who needs to choose a name for themselves.





	A Logical Name

**** Amanda Grayson was tired. As she sat down on one of the logically-placed and highly uncomfortable benches in the foyer of the ambassador’s residence (and it was “the ambassador’s residence,” never “the home of Amanda and her family,” even in her own mind) she regretted that she only had an hour before she was scheduled to join Sarek to meet the delegates from Alpha Centauri. That wasn’t enough time for a proper rest, but maybe she could –

Across the room, a shadow shifted.

“Hello?” Amanda called out as she stood. “Who’s there?”

The shadow moved again – flinching, then making itself smaller – and Amanda decided that it was probably not a threat.

“You come out here right now and show yourself,” she demanded, utterly calm.

Then she crossed her arms and waited.

She did not have to wait long.

A young Vulcan crawled out from behind one of the red stone pillars and planted themselves in the middle of the room, a safe distance away from the lady of the house. They were dressed as though they had come straight from the Vulcan Learning Center, and someone had clearly tried to cut their hair in the Vulcan fashion, though their curls defied the strict style.

“Live long and prosper,” they said, offering the formal salute.

Amanda raised her hand in a perfect salute of her own, then dropped it as the interloper continued to stare at her.

“Are you here to see my husband?” she asked.

No response, so she tried again.

“My name is –”

“Amanda,” the young Vulcan interrupted, closing their eyes and whispering the word as though it were a prayer.

She blinked, startled for a moment.

“That’s right,” she said. “And you are?”

The youth - probably a young teenager, if she had to guess - blushed green and looked down at their shoes.

“That question is why I have come here – to speak to you,” they said. “This is my problem. I do not know.”

“I see,” Amanda said slowly, furrowing her brow. “Well, then I think you’d better come sit down.”

She lowered herself back down on the bench and the child sat beside her, as far away as they could without falling on the floor.

“Would you like me to call the Learning Center?” Amanda asked. “If you’re not sure who you are right now, then perhaps they could identify you, and help you find your parents?”

The young Vulcan shook their head.

“It is not a question of certainty in my identity,” they said, though seemed to regret the words once they had heard them. “I apologize, Lady Amanda, that formulation of the problem was ambiguous. I do not need you to contact the Learning Center, or to help me find my parents. I know my Vulcan name. My problem is that I have been selected for an honor that will bring me in close contact with humans and other races, and therefore must choose a name that universal translators can understand.”

“Ah,” Amanda smiled. “And so, you came to me for help.”

They nodded.

“Help me understand – why ask me?” she asked. “Please don’t misinterpret, let me be clear, I am happy – I am honored – that you trusted me with this question. But I know very little about Vulcan naming conventions…”

The child shifted slightly closer to her on the bench.

“The conventions themselves are simple,” they explained. “Traditionally, since the introduction of the universal translator into our society, a Vulcan male will take a name that begins with an ‘S,’ ends with a ‘K,’ and can be spelled with five letters of your Terran Latin alphabet.”

“Like my husband, and Spock and Sybok,” Amanda said.

Her comment was acknowledged with a brisk nod.

“And a traditional Vulcan female name begins with the formulation ‘T’P,’” they continued. “They have fewer restrictions than the male names.”

Amanda murmured a sound of understanding.

“But you –” the youth breathed, leaning forward and glowing all the way to the very tips of their ears. “You’re not either one of those. You’re nothing like them. You’re  _ Amanda _ .”

And though Amanda wanted to laugh at the thought of her very common name being treated with such reverence, she knew just how important it was to control her emotions at moments like these. 

“Surely you’ve encountered other human names in the course of your studies,” she said neutrally.

“Yes, however, none of them belong to people I could speak to,” they responded quickly, losing some of their formality in their excitement. “And I want – I need – to know, how did you do it? How did you come to be a person who could choose such a name? And … is it possible that I could become such a person as well?”

That last question seemed as fragile as a soap bubble, and Amanda hardly wanted to breathe for fear of breaking it.

“I should begin with an explanation,” Amanda said. “First, I am flattered by your judgment of my character, but I didn’t choose the name Amanda. My parents chose it for me, like your parents chose your Vulcan name. My father told me that it was derived from the ancient language Latin, and that it means ‘worthy of being loved’.”

She could see the youth deflate at these revelations, though they were making a valiant effort to hide their disappointment.

“However, I do believe I understand your situation,” Amanda said. “When I came of age in my religion, I was given the opportunity to choose a second name for myself to use when I prayed. My Hebrew name is Meira – “one who gives light” – because I decided that being worthy of love isn’t something that should just belong to people named Amanda. If I’m seen as being particularly worthy of something so necessary, then I ought to be responsible for giving it, for sharing it. And I think it would be fair to say that I struggled with my decision, as you are struggling now.”

The young Vulcan bit their lip.

“I do know many humans, as well as members of other races, who chose their own names,” she continued. “For some of us, taking a second name once we come of age is part of our tradition. Some people change their name because their given name doesn’t suit them, for whatever reason. Some people go by different names all throughout their lives. I’ve heard almost infinite variations on the questions that you brought with you today, but the simple answer is – yes, of course you can. You are capable, and worthy, of bearing any name you choose.”

“I do not know why I care so much about a name,” they said. “Do you think that it is logical to yearn for it to … feel … correct?”

Amanda coughed.

“Child, are you honestly asking me whether it is logical to care about your own well-being?” she asked, arching her eyebrows up so high she almost looked Vulcan.

She expected the youth to deny it, but instead they gave a shy nod.

“When I married Ambassador Sarek, he gave me a name I couldn’t even pronounce,” she said, her voice unexpectedly thick. “I tried and tried, standing at the mirror every night – it broke my heart to have been given a part of myself that seemed to belong to everyone but me. I can manage it now, after a fashion, but I’m sure I still don’t say it like a Vulcan would.  _ Of course _ your name matters to you, sweetheart; it’s how the people you meet will think of you, and how you think of yourself to yourself. I promise you, there is nothing more logical than tending to your soul, so – yes, it is logical to want your name to feel right.”

That seemed to give the youth pause.

“What if I do not understand my katra – my soul – well enough to choose properly?” they asked.

“Then you try your best with the understanding you do have,” Amanda said. “And if you find later on that your choice no longer suits you, then you can choose again.”

“I think I am drawn to the masculine names,” the child said quietly. “I do not understand why – I do not want to be seen as a male, nor do I wish to be one, but I prefer others to think of me as masculine, while also knowing that I am female. When they do, I sense that I am at home in myself.”

Amanda offered a warm smile.

“I have to say, it strikes me that you understand yourself and your soul very well,” she said. “Certainly better than I did at your age.”

“And you still chose?” the Vulcan asked.

“And I still chose,” Amanda said. “Just like you will, and I’m confident that you’ll choose well. I hear your yearning, and your doubt, and your frustration that you can’t yet articulate everything you want yourself to be, but I also see you asking all the right and honest questions.”

She rose, and the youth did the same, pushing a loose curl behind their pointed ear as they did.

“Live long and prosper,” she said, raising the salute and then placing it over her heart. “Whoever you may be.”

“Live long and prosper,” they responded before disappearing back outside into the hot Vulcan evening.

* * *

A few weeks later, Amanda greeted her husband in the foyer.

“Live long and prosper,” she said, extending her salute as he did the same. “It is good to see you, Sarek.”

He did not answer in words but reached out to turn his salute into a brief kiss, through which she understood that the feeling was mutual.

“The Andorian delegation arrives tomorrow,” he said. “I have invited an advanced student from the Vulcan Learning Center to assist with the proceedings. Would you show Saavik the residence, so she will know where she is to be working?”

He handed her a PADD with the student’s information on it - she recognized the young Vulcan instantly.

As she looked it over, he beckoned, and Saavik came in from outside. She was dressed just as she had been when Amanda had last seen her, but her curly hair was a little longer and she held herself more confidently than the shadow seeking to understand her soul that she had been. 

“I come to serve,” Saavik said with her salute.

“We are honored by your service,” Amanda grinned back. “Saavik. What a perfect name.”

The Vulcan raised her eyebrow.

“I believe it was a logical choice,” she said.

“Indeed,” Amanda nodded. “Anyways, please come with me – I’d be happy to show you around.”

Saavik followed her at a measured pace, hands clasped behind her back.

“Here are the conference rooms,” Amanda pointed out. “The diplomatic quarters, the kitchens and the replicators, both of which are stocked with a greater diversity of ingredients than Federation standard … Saavik, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” the Vulcan said.

“You chose to spell your name almost like a man’s, but with one extra ‘A’ in the middle,” she said. “I think it suits you very well. And you don’t have to tell me, of course, but I’d be fascinated to know – where did that come from?”

Saavik gave her a long look.

“I wanted a part of my name to stand for kindness, and wonderment, and wisdom,” she said. “For the things I am trying to become, as well as for who I am. It stands for ‘Amanda,’ of course.”

“Thank you, Saavik,” Amanda said, almost beyond caring that she was betraying her emotions to a Vulcan. “I’ll try very hard to live up to my place in your name.”

* * *

END.

**Author's Note:**

> I've got a headcanon that, since Vulcan given names are unpronounceable by humans even with a Universal Translator, we know them by their chosen names. There are some "rules" for masculine and feminine Vulcan name construction, but those get ignored in-universe all the time, so why not have some fun with it?
> 
> Wikipedia says that "the treatment of Vulcan names has been erratic throughout Star Trek's production history," but I prefer to think of it as many Vulcans choosing names that defy gender conventions for as many reasons as there are names. 
> 
> The reference to Amanda's married name is from the animated series. 
> 
> This is my first ever fanfic (well, sort of - I'm almost done a 20k+ Discovery-era fic that I've been working on for a while, but this is the first one I've ever finished), so please be kind!


End file.
